I’m sure it was partly because of the
situation, but I believe it was mostly because that’s simply the way the native
people are here. I truly felt connected and
understood. One of the other taxi
drivers used a word for 'blood,' and pointed at one of the veins in his arm to
show me that he understood how I felt. I
don't remember ever feeling so much at home, so far away from where I lived.
It may be getting old for some of you
by now, but I must keep saying it. The native people of the Yucatan, the Mayan
people specifically, are true humans.
- - - - - - - -
We got in
our taxi and headed off to Chitzen-Itza.
I lost track of how many taxis we’d been in, but all together we
estimated we spent about $1,200 total.
We were on our way to the pyramid I’ve wanted to climb my whole
life. I was so excited I could almost
not contain myself. I felt like a kid
going to Disneyland.
- - - - - - - -
I met
Wilbert, one of the staff at the hotel, and told him my lifelong dream of being
on top of this particular pyramid to watch the sunrise. It was one of those special moments...
correct time, correct person, correct method of the request... it was one of
the luckiest moments of my life... because... he said, "Be at the gate to the park, at 5am and Jose will meet you there." I almost fainted. I wanted to make sure of the meeting point,
so he walked me the +/- 200 yards, through the hotel grounds, and pointed to
the gate.
- - - - - - - -
I have been blessed (or is it cursed?)
with the need to learn more about myself, and the world around me. I know I will never reach my Nirvana... my
piece of peace… 'heaven on earth.' I understand that it is only a concept… that
except for a state of mind, it is not possible for humans while alive on this
planet, to attain this state of being.
Try to understand me... it is not the idea of actually reaching this
place that drives me... it is the effort of the journey, that winds my
clock. I truly live for the walk.
(Editors note: Although I still believe it to be unlikely for me... I now do believe it is possible... to reach 'Nirvana' while still alive.)
Few people I’ve spoken to in my life
understand me. Often, even I do not
understand me. One thing I have learned
over the years is to accept that aspect of my personality and not deny it. In fact, I have always tried to nurture it. I don't care if my journey has a definite
ending point… I'm just gonna enjoy the journey.
- - - - - - - -
I want to
try and experience every step… every piece of gravel under my feet… every leaf
on every branch on every tree. Every
sound I hear… from the jungle in front of me… the hotel grounds behind me… and
every inhalation and exhalation I take which was supporting my ever-growing
mind and body. I know this is one of
those very special moments... my life was changing.
I reach a
point on the jungle path where I can see a clearing ahead of me and to my
right. I stop instantly and take three
deep long breaths. I’m pretty sure this
is the place. I feel the hair tingling
on my arms and back.
I do not like back hair, or nose
hair, or ear hair, or diminishing eyesight or hearing, but I know the only
alternative for me, is death, and I dislike that even more.
After about
two minutes, I gain my wits enough to start slowly walking. Actually, I wouldn’t call it walking. I would call it creeping. I could feel the energy around me, and did
NOT want to disturb the gods. I wanted
them to feel my presence and my honest and sincere respect and love. I knew they could feel my fear.
Yes…
fear. I was afraid. I hadn’t been afraid of the hurricane… I
wasn’t afraid of dying from a stroke, or my claustrophobia… I wasn’t afraid of anything in my
life... until now. I wasn't
afraid of the gods, but of the spirits of the Mayan people, who created this
masterpiece of worship. I wanted them to
know their efforts were very appreciated, and I was very grateful to be a part
of it. The good part… not the part about
sacrificing the virgins. That will not
be in this story.
Just before
coming out of the jungle and into the clearing, I saw one of the sides of My Pyramid. It’s the southwest corner and once again, I
froze. The hair stood up all over my body,
and even though it was warm… about 75 degrees, I felt a cold shiver throughout
my body, and the hair all over my body felt like it was standing straight
up. Even the hair on my genitals felt it.
- - - - - - - -
As I turned
to face My Pyramid, the cold shiver came back with frighteningly stronger
gusto. I wasn’t sure I had the strength,
physical or emotional, to move any closer to the base. After standing there like a statue for about
15 seconds, I turned back to Jose y Jose, and said, “Are you sure you don’t
want to join me?” They both smiled
lovingly, and the first Jose said, "No, this is for you to do alone." As I had suspected, they understood the
supreme importance of this part of my spiritual journey.
Sometimes, usually more than not,
people do misunderstand me. Physically, I am a large
man with a full voice, and sometimes my exuberance gets the better of me. My girlfriend told me the other day that she
feels intimidated by me at times. I can
appreciate and understand this mistake they make in my intentions. I feel strong and confident most of the time. I have always felt like God gave me a very
large, strong, good heart. I have always
felt a kinship with the human race. I
have always believed it was my purpose on this planet to help other
people.
Well, unfortunately, most people
on this planet are scared… afraid to let other people into their
realities. Afraid the other person’s
intent is to steal from them, or worse. Although I understand this, it still saddens me that they cannot sense
the sincerity of my thoughts and actions.
Some do. Don’t get me wrong, I
have many close friends who draw on my energy, and let me draw on theirs.
I’m writing about this now because
during my two weeks in The Yucatan Peninsula, I met many locals. Perhaps 50 of whom I greeted with handshakes,
names, and even ambrasos y ambrasas (hugs), and they all seemed to understand
me.
I was truly home in The
Yucatan. I think I mentioned in Chapter
One, how I believe they could sense the Mayan blood in me… we were
related. We are all related by
blood. I hope someday this World of
People will evolve to a place where we do not have to be afraid of each other. Probably not in my lifetime, but if any of my
three daughters have children, and their children have children, and they all
talk about me to their children, then maybe, I choose to believe that just
maybe, there will be a seed of me that will be alive, to experience Nirvana…
Heaven on Earth. Please allow me my pipe
dream. I understand the odds of this
happening, but it helps me smile at people during the day and to sleep soundly
at night.
- - - - - - - -
I walked
towards the middle of the steps on the North Face, but then veered back to my
right… back to the West, and a place near the NW corner. I put the tips of my toes against the rock…
put my hand out in front of me… leaned
into my pyramid… and kissed it. A kiss of love for its history and its
incredible presence. I had been waiting
my entire life for this moment.
I begin a
new chapter, a new beginning in my lifelong journey towards Nirvana. I once again lean into my pyramid and… hand
over hand… foot over foot… I begin my ascent to the top. Needless to say, I was feeling very
emotional. I felt very little physical
strength, but I also felt this journey was gonna be well worth my effort. I was not literally shaking, but the insides
of me were feeling different than I’ve ever felt, and if I tried to explain it
to you now, it would take another 10 pages, and so… I’ll make that another
story.
I reach the
approximate 1/3-point up. I’m not
counting steps. I’m saving my brain
cells to feel the spirituality of the moment.
I do not want to ever forget this feeling. That is the main reason I’m writing this
story… for me. Thank you for reading
it. I hope you’re having as much fun
reading it, as I am writing it.
At the
1/3-point up, I stop… carefully turn around, and sit down. I look around my visual surroundings, but
mostly, I try to feel my spiritual surroundings. Two minutes there was all I could afford…
the sunrise was scheduled for about 6:55, and I was sure it wouldn’t wait for
me.
I reach the
approximate 2/3-point of my climb, and do the same thing as I did at the 1/3-point.
Just
as my eyes reached the level of the catwalk, which went around the +/- 25’ by
25’ square by 25’ high temple on the top… I stopped for the last time. I didn’t turn around and sit this time. I could see an archway through the North Face
of the Temple, and did not want to show it any disrespect. I closed my eyes, bowed my head and
shoulders, and rested my forehead on the stone edge of the top of My Pyramid.
I could see
the sky getting lighter to my left, and realized if I lolly gagged too much
more, I’d miss My Sunrise.
YES, THIS
WAS MY SUNRISE
GOD WAS GIVING ME HIS
SUPREME GIFT
A SUN, A
SON, THE ONE
I relax, let
my arms drop to my sides, palms facing East, and breath as deeply, slowly, and
completely as I ever have in my past life.
My new life was beginning, and once again I had to fight back the tears
and the jerking motion of my torso, as I sobbed with joy and gratefulness to be
in this moment. I could sense Jose
checking me out, to see if I was gonna loose it, and I turned my head, and
nodded to him that I was just fine.
I was
perfect. Well, at least as perfect as
I’d ever felt before. I’m gonna try to
hold onto that feeling for the rest of my life.
And what’s different now, is that I’m gonna try to share that feeling I
have with others, in a less demanding manner.
Wish me luck on that one. Those
of you who already know me, know it won't be easy for me.
Time has
stood still. The last two minutes seemed
like twenty to me. I tried to move very
quietly while nervously rocking my body side to side, as the gravel crackled under my
sandals, for what seemed like 10 minutes.
I had been down on my belly with my chin on my hands, for what seemed
like another 10 minutes. I was not
counting my breaths, but I was aware that I was breathing deeper and slower and
more completely than at any other time of my life. I thought to myself... is this the day the
sun will not rise?
I feel sort
of giddy and anxious like a little kid, waiting for Christmas morning to
arrive. But not really... it was
different… I feel a calm inside of me that I have never felt before. I think it was what I’ve been looking for, my
entire life... inner peace. There was no
way for me to be sure… I had never felt inner peace.
(Editor's note: Now I have!)
My Sun’s top
edge appeared with small daggers of crimson yellow and I thought, laughing at
my bizarre sense of humor, "Whew, there you are… I was beginning to worry
about you." I’m laughing at my
humor, which I get from my mother, and crying with sincere love for the entire
world, which I also get from my mother.
I could feel
my body start to jerk again from my sobs, but then… once again, the feeling of
inner peace, a joy of contentment, filled the inside of me, to what had to be
capacity. Any more of this feeling and I
think I may end up in an explosion of human flesh, blood, and body parts
smeared all over the side of the My Temple, and poor Jose.
I descended
My Pyramid in the same way I went up.
Hand over hand… foot over foot. I
stopped at the 1/3-point down, turned around and sat down and looked around, and
then again at the 2/3 point down. It was
at this time that the new energy and confidence that I had received from My Sun
almost got out of control. I felt very
powerful and I should’ve remembered the slogan on the front of one of my
favorite tee-shirts which says, “I’m Like a Superhero... Without Any Powers, or
Motivation."
Well, I
forgot the 'no powers' part, and decided to try and walk the remaining 1/3 of
the way down like I was going down a steep stairway... facing outward… away
from My Pyramid. I took one cautious
step with my left foot first, and then my right. When my right foot planted, slowly and
securely… my knee buckled, cracked, and popped… and I almost fell. Fortunately I didn’t. I told myself I was lucky to cheat death, or
at least severe injury. I sadly turned
back, facing My Pyramid and completed my descent like an old man.
I used to be an athlete, I’m not sure
if I mentioned this in a previous chapter… I used to play basketball. I didn’t put as much effort into it as my
twin brother Donnie, but I was more than just a capable player. I had good timing and instincts, and could
jump high enough to stuff the ball. Not
the running jumping off one foot, kinda jump like the way most people do
it. I could jump much higher if I
planted and pushed off both feet at once.
Anyway, I’m mentioning this now ‘cuz I still get sad sometimes about not
being able to do some of the things I used to, like walk down the steps of My
Pyramid like the athlete I used to be. I
am no longer young, or able to do very many of the physical things I used to be
able to do. Fortunately, I can still
compete with the kids, ‘cuz like my dad used to say…
"Age and Treachery will Always
Win over Youth and Ability."
My dad was a
real character. I wish he and my mom
could've read this story.
