SOMETIMES
YOU FIND LOVE
IN THE MOST
UNEXPECTED PLACES
Story by:
Ned Opdyke
nedopdyke@gmail.com
Gaeir Dietrich
Thursday, 7/30/09
Last night was my first night as a member of the home of Gaeir. She is a new friend I met about three weeks ago, and after spending only a few hours together, she offered to bring me into her fold.
She is a highly advanced spiritual being, with a calm ease and comfort about her, which is one of the many things I hope to learn from her. Up until now, my life has followed a certain order of events, based on the choices I have made. Now… I begin a new chapter in my life, which I hope will bring me to newer, higher, and a much more profound and realistic sense of happiness and contentment.
Today's activities primarily include moving my remaining belongings out of the home of one of my best buddies, who had been allowing me to rent a room from him. I plan to move everything except some of my clothes and the printer for my computer into my mini storage unit, and then begin helping Gaeir organize her home, while she begins to help me organize my thoughts, as I turn and move in my new direction towards the same goals I've always had, but with a different awareness and methodology.
I feel more excited about my life than ever before, but there is also a deep feeling of anxiety about being a child again. Learning new things has always been exciting for me, but this topic is one I've only daydreamed about, and the realization that I am about to truly begin exploring and nurturing my spiritual development, is somewhat unsettling for me.
Friday 7/31/09
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I got almost all of my stuff outta my buddy's house, and found out why he's been so upset lately. I thought it was (only) based on all the teasing I gave him on the LSBBB Website during his brief time with me on my ride to Killeen. Turns out, it was mostly due to the fact that his dad is on his last few days of his transition from this world to the next.
Today's activities are going to be to determine where my office and my clothes dresser are going to be located in Gaeir's home. I also need to make one more trip to my buddy's house, and I'd like to go listen to some live music this evening, if we have any energy left at the end of the day.
I'm feeling more and more confident as each day goes by, about my decision to attempt to trade in some of my bad habits for some good ones. I've known for years that my lack of self-esteem is the major contributing factor in some of the bad choices I've made for my lifestyle, and I feel with Gaeir's help, guidance, and incredible knowledge of people's true inner essence… I will be much more successful in my goal to get my life in order, and learn how to feel good about myself.
Sunday 8/2/09
Friday's goal was accomplished without any problems. Finding room in the house for my limited furniture so I could have my clothes in the house, and have someplace to sit and type, was easy. Mostly because of G's sincere excitement and appreciation of having me in her life. She has welcomed me with incredibly open arms. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone with a more open heart. Sometimes I feel like we're related.
I sure hope that doesn't get in the way of the very obvious sexual attraction that we have for each other. It certainly shouldn't. Like I've always said… "Incest is best". Don't worry, that's just my strange sense of humor slipping out.
I got up on Saturday and put together a proposal for a small project here at the home front. Gaeir's home is one of four condominiums, all attached into one building. The driveway to the house is steep, and the retaining wall is failing. I'm hoping I will be hired to repair the wall. Now that my heart is being nourished, cash flow is now my biggest concern.
Most of the rest of the day was spent with two of G's friends, Ki (pronounced key) and his wife Valerian. G took them under her angel wings just like me, several years ago when Ki was battling cancer. They lived with her for a little over a year. Valerian is a numerologist and did my reading for me. It took just over two hours and I was totally exhausted when it was over. Some of the things she said were:
1. This is the fifth time I've been at this point in my life… a juncture where I must make a decision on which direction I am going to choose to go. The other four times was important, but they were only leading me to this point, and this time, the decision is a biggie.
2. She gave me an assignment, which is to write down five things in each of (3) categories: (a) the best things that have ever happened to me, (b) the worst things, and (c) the most important things. I am to really delve into each thing I choose, writing down not just the word of the situation that happened but more so the feeling I had about it and the effect it had on my life. Then… I am to look for commonalities between the things. G is gonna help me get started, and then help me interpret and understand the ways I have been making my decisions up until now, so I can more clearly see them, and be aware of making the correct decisions from this point forward.
3. I am to remember not to place limitations on myself.
4. I am to read two books. One is called, "The Spiritual Laws of Life", and the other is, "5 Virtues".
5. The 'Three Keys to Master my Life' are: Patience, Divine Love, and Humility. I told her that I felt like at least I had one of the three. If you've read any of my previous stories, ya'all know how much love I have inside me.
6. When I feel like I've finished something… like a specific train of thought, and I become impatient and want to move on to something else… I am to count to ten, and really make sure I've completed working on that topic, before I close that door and move on to something else.
That door will not be available to me again, so I am to remember to place the highest focus on my thoughts as I reach the end of that hallway, and turn to open the next door. I am not to begin a new task, until I have completed my mission on that particular assignment.
7. I am to try to make friends with the fear I feel, when I am practicing the art of self-love. Not sexual self-love… the true and simple love of loving me for being me. That has always been a difficult thing for me to do, so I am to use that fear as a red flag to remind me that this is an important moment, and to pay close attention to that moment.
8. I am not to hurry, while working on a thought topic, like I usually do. Instead of running and trying to get to the end as quickly as possibly, then… waiting there until something else appears to me, to chase after… I am to keep my pace slow… being aware of what is around me, so that I can pick and choose other paths to follow, and not miss them because I'm in too much of a hurry to get where I think I'm going.
9. I have a very valuable and unique ability to turn 'thought-idea-switches' on and off at will, and I should embrace and use that ability. Interesting stuff, sounds like another story in the works…
Monday, 8/3/09
G and I woke up this morning and hugged, talked and laughed with, and at each other for almost an hour. Well, ok… we did other things too, but we were still laughing while we did those other things.
We have agreed that neither one of us has ever been with anyone else who accepted us and appreciated us as much as we do each other. I have always been honest and admitted that I am not the easiest person in the world to get along with. It is no wonder I've had such a hard time finding someone who appreciates my uniqueness.
With G though… she seems so 'milk toast' to me, and I don't mean that in a bad way… I just don't see how she has never found someone who appreciates her. Although… she did tell me yesterday that she and one of her scholar friends decided that they both had similar personalities, and started referring to themselves as dry, icky and boring. G's work persona is very professional and outwardly cool, but for some reason it's really easy for me to see through that outer shell and see the silly, fun loving, young heart on the inside. Or maybe I can see it so easily because I bring that part of her personality to the surface. I'd like to think I do.
Who knows, and who cares. The thing we are trying to maintain our focus on is how lucky we both feel to have found each other. G speaks of divine timing. It's pretty much just what it sounds like. Nothing happens until it is supposed to happen. The only reason she and I came together is because what needed to happen to each of us before we were ready to meet… happened.
I knew I was ready to meet someone like G when I sent her my first message to her OKCupid page. Her profile was devoted 100% to her spirituality, and I would have never bothered to contact a person like that before. I had always looked for 'instant gratification', and I'd decided to try something different for a change.
Similarly, G told me that I was the first person she contacted after she had made a conscious decision to start looking for a different kind of man. Someone who would accept her for the way she was and not feel like she needed to be changed. Divine timing, I love it.
Wednesday, 8/5/09
On Monday I went to G's gym and found that I couldn't add myself to her membership because hers was already attached to another person's (her friend Karen). My 2nd choice, Gold's Gym didn't work out either, 'cuz their facility didn't have a hot tub, which is a requirement for me. Getting going in the morning without a warm soak to start my day is difficult for me. My poor used and abused joints are always a whining reminder of how old I am getting.
Being young at heart definitely helps, but the stiffness and soreness, especially the first few hours of every day, is not my preferred way to begin each day. Waaah… poor me.
After deciding on paying the full price at G's gym, I went to Watsonville to pay my mini storage rental, and to return some items my buddy had mistakenly given me, thinking they were mine. It was at his office (paying my storage fee) that I found out from his office assistant that his father had made the transition to the next level. As I was driving out of his parking lot, he called and we had a chance to share a moment of silence for his dad.
Dean had been suffering with advanced Alzheimer's as well as other severe health issues, and his passing was a blessing to everyone involved. Death is always a difficult thing, but without it there wouldn't be life. As I wrote in one of my poems years ago (Abraxis is Axis), without pain there wouldn't be joy… without light there wouldn't be dark… and without hate there wouldn't be love. Sad but true. Abraxis is defined as, "The inclusion of all", and is one of my favorite words.
My next two errands were also uncomfortable for me. First I went to the County Building and reluctantly picked up the forms required to file a small claims lawsuit against someone whom I had rented a room from, who had decided not to return my security deposit, without any communication as to why.
Then, while still at the County Building, I retrieved the forms I needed to submit to the Court System, in order for me to declare bankruptcy. This is definitely a time of change for me. Thank goodness when I returned to G's home, I was able to get back into the spirit of love.
Tuesday I continued the rearrangement of my office. I decided to make the assumption that I could hang a shelf and some artwork of mine, without prior approval from G.
When she came home, I asked her take a look at what I'd done, and she came out of the room with a smile and teary eyes. She said, "I am so happy to have you in my life", and continued with, "I've never felt such a feeling of joy to have someone living with me… I finally feel like I have a home."
It continues to baffle me, as to the how and why she and I have come together. Thank ya Jesus. Or The Mahanta, as her religion puts it. I'll tell you more about my education in the religion of Eckankar and the teachings of Higher Alignment later.
It was the end of the day and after unloading a truckload of my belongings into my new home, I gave my mini storage facility notice that I wouldn't need them anymore. G had just asked me to plan on staying with her… FOREVER!!
Thursday, 8/6/09
As a token gesture of my answer, I bought her a few token trinkets of my love and devotion… some inexpensive jewelry… everything in silver… as per her request.
One of my other errands that day was at The Bayview Hotel to share my joy with Christina, the owner of the oldest Bed and Breakfast Hotel in Santa Cruz. She was truly happy for me. I knew she would be. She and her family are like family to me. They could be the topic for an entire story all by themselves. Very unique people and I love them dearly.
I also stopped at a pet supply store to buy a leather dog collar and leash. After all… if I'm gonna be G's wolf pet (as she likes to call me), I should try and look the part, right? I’ll leave the details about that for a different plain brown paper bag story.
Am I happy? Do you really have to ask? My dreams are being answered. Thank ya G-sus. I will not be able to stop journaling information about my love for G, and hers for me, but I promise to make every attempt to leave out the juiciest of the details, out of respect for the young readers out there.
Friday, 8/7/09
I spent almost this entire day at home. I finished going thru G's paperwork, getting it organized so she could go thru it, and take it to her tax accountant, and get caught up on her tax returns for the last 2 years. She's expecting a sizable refund check. One of my duties as her personal assistant is to get her paperwork organized. She spends so much time working and doing favors for people, she gets behind on minor details like tax preparation.
I also met G's housekeeper Suzan, who as G warned me, is a force of nature. It's interesting that the people who tend to rub me the wrong way are the people who have the same personality traits as me. Outspoken, opinionated, and forceful. I guess I see them as competition to the control freak aspect of my personality. She certainly is focused and efficient individual however.
Sunday, 8/9/09
Yesterday was a great day. G and I left home a little after 9am, and went to Del Rey Oaks (near Monterey) to meet with one of her friends and business associates. Selwa is a very young woman in her 80's, who writes, lectures, and counsels on the subject of 'developing better relationships'. G is taking notes from her, and is doing the editing for her new book. Selwa reminds me of my mother and she told me (completely on her own) that I should consider her in that way. Lovely lady.
Then we went to Carmel, to the home of her friends Phil & Melodie. G met them thru Eckankar over 20 years ago, and has maintained a very close and loving relationship with them. We spent 30 minutes or so at their home, and then went to a restaurant directly under the flight path of the Monterey airport. The planes' final approaches took them not more than 200 feet over our heads, while we were having our late lunch in the outdoor patio area, on a beautiful summer day.
Now, a little about 'Higher Alignment'. Phil is a 'sage primary' just like me. As is also true for me, he has a very distinctively resonant tone to his voice; is not shy; and is very upbeat and happy. It was nice to be with him, and be comfortable being me, during a situation when it was totally acceptable and in fact appreciated by others, to be outgoing and obnoxious.
I'll talk more about 'sages' and the other six personality types later. 'Higher Alignment' could actually be another story all by itself. These stories of mine just seem to write themselves, don’t they?
When we got home, we had just enough time to change clothes before we left again for a performance by the Cabrillo Orchestra at the Civic Auditorium. G had negotiated tickets for their performance, as well as the closing night at San Juan Batista Mission a week from today, in trade for her donation of her harp, a magnificent piece of artwork, which stands a full 6' tall. G was very proud to see it on stage being used in a way that she rarely has the opportunity to use it herself.
After the concert, we went home and snuggled. Falling soundly and happily asleep around midnight. Saturday was a great day.
Today (Sunday) we're getting cleaned up to go to Church. G is leading a discussion group this morning, and I'm invited to the private gathering as her guest. She's warned me a couple times not to feel overwhelmed by the discussion… that I'm gonna most likely feel like most of it is going over the top of my head.
I hope I'll be able to keep my mouth shut, and not embarrass her with my ignorant questions and comments. For those of you who don't know me yet… it has always been difficult for me to keep my mouth closed, especially when someone asks me to.
Tuesday, 8/11/09
Sunday after Church we lounged around the house. We did a few chores, but mostly we just relaxed and talked. The comfort level between G and me continues to increase at an exponential rate. It truly is like we have known each other for years, not weeks.
By the way, she was right about my comprehension of the discussion she led. It was very intense and very deep. Yep… another story just begging to be written.
Monday I started working on the repair of the retaining wall at our driveway. I was able to get one of the neighbor kids to do some of the digging, which was a really big help. I had the rotten section of the old wall removed, and the new posts set in concrete after only 6 hours.
I guess I should talk a bit about the house G owns, and the neighbor kids. Her condo is the 2nd unit from the street, in a building of 4 units. Carlos owns unit #1, and Adrian owns #'s 3 & 4. Both of these guys rent out their homes to college students. Unit #1 has five male and one female roommate. I'm not sure, but I'll guess that units 3 & 4 have at least six more guys and another four girls. So far, they've all been very polite and relatively quiet… considering. They ARE college kids after all.
So far, they've all been very friendly and respectful. I'm in heaven being around young people. I love their energy. So cheery & bright and expectantly optimistic of all that each day has to bring. The same way I try to start every one of my days.
Thursday, 8/13/09
Tuesday G & I went over the hill together. Her truck was in the shop having some maintenance. I had an errand to run in San Jose and G had a short day, so it all worked perfectly. I met some of the people she works with, and after my errand, I spent some time working on another story called "I Love Texas", which is about my ride to Killeen, when I thought I was gonna be moving there for good.
In case you were wondering, my errand was to deliver the paperwork to the Courthouse to file my bankruptcy. It's a very sad thing but I will be so relieved when it's finally over. The meeting with my creditors is coming up soon, so I hope to have just enough time to comfortably ride Honey back from Taumie & Gerry's house in Killeen, before my small claims Court date with my ex-landlord on 10/5. I sure hope these visits to the Courts will be my last for a while. Until its time to purchase my next wedding license that is.
Before we drove back over the hill, we had a late lunch with one of G's friends. This is the first one I've met who isn't a member of Eckankar. G was pleased that I picked up on that myself, without her mentioning it to me.
Deb is nice enough, and clearly loves G very much, but she's not as relaxed and comfortable to be around as her other friends I've met. She's much more… materialistic… for lack of a better word.
That pretty much brings you up to speed on my three dimensional activities. G and I are continuing our slow and steady exploration of dimensions four, five, and six.
Saturday, 8/15/09
Yesterday was a lounge at home day. When we did go out to run a few errands, but we had to cut our trip short because of the smoke from the fire near Bonny Doon. Today is bad again… last I heard it was only 20% contained and had burned over 4,000 acres. No threat to any residences at this time however.
Today I met a subcontractor at a job that I'm gonna be starting very soon. It's a small project, but at this point anything is better than nothing. Gaeir maintains her steadfast support, both emotionally and financially. Bless her heart. I am a very lucky man. Just so you know though, she also maintains her steadfast assurances to me that I am providing her with very valuable support as well. For instance… we're getting ready right now, to go downstairs so I can give her a full body massage. I know, it's a tough job, but dog gone it… somebody's got to do it.
Tuesday, 8/18/09
It seems I'm getting back into my normal routine. I went to bed before 9pm last night and woke up this morning around 5am. That's eight solid hours. It's amazing to both G and I, how quickly we have learned to sleep together. Over and over, we seem to find ourselves feeling like we've been doing something together for years, instead of only a few weeks.
From our sleeping patterns… to our eating habits and favorite foods… the list of similar habits just keeps growing and growing. About the only thing on the other list is how much we read. I really must get more pro-active about learning to enjoy it more. If I don't, the stack of books she has been giving me is going to topple over and crush me.
Thursday, 8/20/09
Yesterday was a very emotional day. I spent some time with my ex-girlfriend. We ran some errands, had some lunch, went for a beach walk, and sat on her couch and watched The Travel Channel. We were together for about three hours and it was very nice, but it was also bittersweet. She shed a few tears but fortunately for both of us, it was mostly a very healthy and healing time. Neither of us is sure if we are gonna be able to create a new platonic relationship, but one thing we do know is… we both want to.
Now I'm getting mentally prepared for a cyber meeting (my first experience on 'skype') with Larry. He's the originator and teacher of 'Higher Alignment', the 'profile modeling technique' I was talking about earlier, which allows a person to better understand themselves and those around them. He has established that my personality levels are; 'sage-primary; artesian-secondary; and warrior-mental'. There are a total of 7 'types' of personalities… sage, scholar, artisan, priest, warrior, server, and king. Each one of these energies manifests itself differently, depending on what level it's at.
Gaeir is bringing a lot of new ideas into my consciousness, and I LOVE it. I'd felt intellectually starved for a long time, and had made the 'request to the universe' to meet someone who could satisfy that hunger, at the same time I'd asked to be able to meet someone to help me develop my spirituality. Thank ya G-sus.
Sunday, 8/30/09
Last weekend, G and I attended a communications workshop given by Selwa. I mentioned her earlier. She teaches the 'Art of Tracking', a method of helping a person with a problem, to come up with the answer, without giving it to them.
I've been practicing these 'skills' and I'm truly amazed how well they work. I feel so sincere about how valuable they are, I'm gonna list a few of them now:
- don’t make anyone wrong… including yourself
- inconsistency is a severe form of punishment
- concentrate more on the feelings of the other person, not so much on their words
- empower the other person, instead of asserting your power over them
- don't ask direct questions (this is going to be the hardest habit for me to break)
- more important than what someone says to us, is how we react to it
- listen and respond from the heart, not the mind or the gut;
- the mind = the parental self - it is unconscious and reactive; it is your ego
- the gut = the child self - it is also unconscious and reactive; it is your past wounds
- the heart = the aware self - conscious and responsive; it is reverent & confident
- anger = adult crying
- criticism = low self esteem
- do not make the other person's problem your own
- validate the other person's problems without agreeing or disagreeing
- put the question you have for the other person into a statement
- do not put the words "I" and "you" into the same sentence
- hear the other person's pain, not their blame
- regardless of the facts, feelings are always true
1st: repeat back to them what you heard them say, using different words
2nd: understand why they made their statement.
3rd: understand how they feel about it
4th: understand what they want
- (an analogy to use to help) pretend you are holding a mirror, pointing it away from you, and directly towards the other person. Don't use the word "I" when speaking to them. Remember… this is all about them, not about you.
When responding follow these steps:
1 - acknowledge what they said (basically, repeat what they said to you)
2 - tell them what impact their statement has on you
3 - state your desired result, and remember… and this is not easy…
4 - do not use the words "I" and "you" in the same sentence.
Things that BLOCK effective communication:
1 - giving advice, offering solutions or suggestions, probing or asking questions
2 - using logic to argue, lecture, teach, making orders, directions, commands
3 - threatening, warning, admonishing, promising, interpreting, analyzing
4 -diagnosing, moralizing, preaching, judging, criticizing, blaming, disagreeing
5 -praising, agreeing - ridiculing, name calling, labeling, shaming, sympathizing
6 -supporting, reassuring, consoling, being sarcastic, joking, diverting, withdrawing
Times when you should use these techniques:
1 - when the other person states a problem or an emotional issue
2 - when you hear or notice that they have expressed feelings
3 - when you can accept the other person's feelings and put aside your own feelings
4 - you have the time and believe you can help
5- you can trust them to find their own solutions
The benefits of 'tracking':
1 - it shows you care and have understood them
2 - it communicates your acceptance of the person
3 - it helps the person recognize and cope with their feelings
4 - it helps move towards problem solving
5 - it encourages communication and builds trust
6 - it fosters self-acceptance and encourages responsibility
7- it promotes warm relationships
- do not exaggerate the other person's statements
- do not add insights or your own points of view
- do not repeat yourself
- do not drag behind the other person and do not jump ahead of them
- do not focus on the object of their problem,
instead…
- focus on the feelings the person has about that object
Thanks for listening.
Now, back to the conclusion of this story…
Thursday, 9/24/09
It's only two days away from my departure to fly back to Killeen and ride Honey back. G and I are both starting to feel sad about being apart for the week I'll be gone.
If someone had told me that I'd be where I am now, two months ago when I was getting ready to settle into my new life in Texas… I would've told them they were crazy. But like they say…
SOMETIMES YOU FIND LOVE IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED PLACES
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