"Ashley"

The reason I took this trip, besides another opportunity for exploration and adventure on my motorcycle, was to watch my middle daughter Ashley graduate from College.  She was getting her BA in Social Work from Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma, WA.

Ashley and her older sister Kellie are survivors.  From the divorce of their parents, and from the delinquent attention they received from their mother.  Mimi is doing much better now, and seems to be relatively recovered from her drug and alcohol abuse… as long as she stays on her medications.

'Ash' accepted a tennis scholarship out of high school, but burned herself out.  Damn that cursed Opdyke competitive nature.  Fortunately, she's since learned how to temper her exuberance.  She is turning herself into an incredible person.

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She's turning into a very mature and well-spoken young woman.  I can still see the twinkle~sparkle in her eyes, that lets me know she's still got her youthful exuberance, but the way she speaks… with lots of well formed, and very clearly worded sentences, is very impressive to me.  She's easy to understand except for some of her vocabulary.  She speaks like a well-educated professional.  Ask me if I'm proud.  Never mind, I'll tell you.  I am.

We sat on her couch and talked about all sorts of things… from her mother, to her sister and brother, to all of her cousins on my side of the family, and then she expressed sorrow about not knowing a lot of them very well.  Then we talked about the uncom-fortable topic of how she lost her father at the age of three.

I'm gonna try not to cry while I tell you this:  She apologized to me for being so distant towards me for so much of her life.  She said she was sorry that she felt unable to be close to me for so many years.

My heart was breaking as she expressed this heart felt love for me.  When she finished, I cleared my throat and tried to steady my voice, so I could tell her that it was not she that should be apologizing.

She's always known the reason I left.  I was dying.  After her mom divorced me, I tried to kill myself.  I had never failed at something so important to me before, and I didn't know how to cope with the divorce.  Fortunately I failed with my suicide attempt, and have turned that failure into success.  I knew it was God's way of telling me that my work on this planet was (and still isn't) complete.  I know I have something important to do.  I just hope I figure out what that is, before I get too much older.

Anyway… the conversation with Ashley about how she grew up without me was so heart wrenchingly bitter sweet, that words cannot express how I felt.  I do not know why God has blessed me with three of the best daughters in the world, but… Thank you God.