It was after five by the time I got outta BK's place, but I
wasn't upset about the time I'd spent there.
Stopping to smell the roses (or the beer) and making new friends was
what this trip was supposed to be all about.
Oh, besides visiting family and looking for work that is.
As I was putting Honey back on the road… a car with two
beautiful blondes was pulling into the parking lot. The driver looked at me and said,
"You're not leaving are you?"
I responded with, "Doggone it, I sure wish I wasn't, but when you
go inside, tell them you just met Ned, and they'll give you my phone number, so
we can hook up when I come back thru town in a couple weeks."
Boy, I sure am a
flirt. But I'm a harmless flirt. All bark and no bite. Honest.
Really. You can trust me.
Hwy 95 on the California side of the Colorado River was a
road I had been looking forward to. It's
a really nice 2-lane highway, with lots of nice benders and rolling terrain.
It had been fun to drive in my car, so I new Honey and I were gonna enjoy
it.
I was feeling safe… connected,
as the brotherhood calls it… so I
jumped on Honey pretty good. She's only
a 1300, but she still has pretty good giddy
up, and I went from about 5mph to my cruising speed of around 80, in about
the same length of time that it took you to read the last two sentences.
When I came around the next corner, I saw one
of those yellow diamond shaped road signs… the kind with a picture of a cow on
it, to warn people that this was an open
range area. As I backed off the throttle a little, I smiled… I thought and probably said out loud
something to the effect of, "Oh yeah, other golfers on the
course." That's a phrase I came up
with years ago, and I use it whenever I remember that I am not the only person
(or cow) in the world.
It was dusk and that's the time that a lot of the wildlife
begins their nightly carousing. I smiled
because I felt the connection growing
stronger. That sign had come around the
corner to remind me that this trip was not a race. It was only at its infancy, and if it was
going to mature into a well-adjusted adult, I should not get in a hurry. I have always considered myself blessed, or
lucky if you wish… in many ways… starting from the incredible parents I had. I am lucky… I know I am. That's why I'm still around to tell this
story. There have been several occasions
when I should have died. Like that time
I actually tried to kill myself.
I can't believe I'm actually gonna put this in print:
I was very depressed
after my divorce from my first wife, the woman who won the 'Best Looking Redhead in Seattle Contest'
the summer I met her. So much so in
fact, that I drove up into the mountains east of town, and parked. I had brought a garden hose and a roll of
duct tape with me, and I used them in my attempt to create my 'canopy to end
the sadness.' Well… it didn't work. I woke up a couple hours after going to
sleep, with the car still faithfully idling.
My first thought was,
'Shoot, I can't do anything right.' My
second thought was, 'Oh my gosh, I have
the worst headache I've ever had.' My
third thought was the one that's never left me.
I realized that I had discovered my 'purpose in life.' It's just like the 'born-agains' say… it's
like waking up for the first time. And
it really is, a very simple thing. I've
heard that when someone finally 'figures it out,' that it becomes almost silly,
how simple the answer is. My purpose is
actually two-fold:
1) To try and enjoy
the life God gave me, to the best of my ability… to appreciate and be eternally
grateful for the opportunity I have been blessed with; and 2) To help other
people enjoy their lives too. Jeesh… is
that basic OR WHAT!?!? Ever since that
moment I woke up with that scareeaamming headache, I have felt a certain 'piece
of peace.' I guess putting my attempted
suicide down on paper isn't a bad thing after all. If what happened to me (my epiphany) helps
even one person feel better about them selves, then it was completely worth the
risk of admitting my 'weakness.’ Wait a
sec… by admitting my weakness I am proving my strength, aren't I? Yea, that's it. That's the ticket.
Ok, back to the story, I promised you something
dramatic. It was exactly at the moment
that I had backed off the throttle, and had glanced down at my speedo to see my
speed at 70mph, that I looked back up and saw the deer. If I could have stopped time… frozen the
moment into a picture… I could have reached out and literally touched the
deer's face. It was a full-grown girl
deer. She had the most expressively
beautiful huge deep dark brown eyes I've ever seen.
I say expressive because I could see what
she was thinking, and it was the exact same thing that I was thinking… I remember saying it out loud, just
milliseconds after the frozen moment in time… "Whew, that was a close one…
that coulda really hurt."
How's that for proof of my luck, and of the biker feeling of connection? The description
I just wrote of the experience is, without any exaggeration, truthful, honest,
and accurate. God does obviously love
me. Thank ya Jesus.
The next thought I recall having after the, ‘that coulda really hurt’ thought, was
one of gratitude. The white light protective energy that my
brother Bev had given me earlier that morning had come in quite handy. Thank ya Bev.
No comments:
Post a Comment